Croquet Mallet for sale.

Ever since my divine American fiancee gave up her lurid career as an exotic dancer and moved from Florida to be with me in England, I have been a contented and elated individual. I am as infatuated and enchanted with her as a man can be.

Yesterday however, we had our first lovers tiff ! A petty squabble which left her in floods of tears and me an irate cursing brute.
The day started pleasently and after enjoying a hearty breakfast I decided to show her how to play the gentile and refined game of croquet. Armed with my trusty croquet mallet we proceeded to the lawn. To my astonished horror my beautiful croquet lawn was dispoiled and ruined by numerous unsightly mole hills. The very croquet lawn which my family have lavished expensive loving care and tenderness on for several hundered years ! I fell to my knees in anguish and sobbed uncontrolably.

My poor misguided fiancee looked at me agog before bursting into mocking pitiful laughter. I was far from amused and reacted badly. I confess I was a little abrupt and terse with her.
" Shut your mouth " I foolishly yelled.
My little love poppit started sobbing too with the heart rendering ferocity of a two year old child.
Just then I noticed a mole emerging from one of the many mounds of earth and start to crawl across my ruined lawn.
I raised the croquet mallet high above my head and smashed it down on the vile beast , squashing it to a pulp. My weeping girl friend ran hysterically back to the house and into our bedroom. I could hear the emotional sobs as she packed her cases.

After 2 or 3 hours I calmed down and saw the error of my over emotional outburst. Naturally I was contrite with remorse for acting like an utter rotter. I apologised and was forced to buy my love a new mazda sports car as a token of my love and regret.

Henceforth she has decreed that croquet is banned. I am no longer allowed to play the game I adore and I must sell my croquet mallet.
I therefore wish to sell it to someone who will treat it with the respect and loving care it requires. If you are a profficient croquet player and you require a new mallet it is yours for little more than I paid for it.
Its yours for £350.

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One nil to Lord Dimblem !