Beware Old Squinto is back on Svalbard !

My very dear brother Rupert has just returned from hunting in Svalbard an emotional and physically moribund wreak. As always when he goes to Svalbard he shoots several Polar bears and has a thoroughly good time. This time was very different as he met a ghost from his hunting past, his old foe "Old Squinto".
Many of you are no doubt aware of Old Squinto the fabled killer Polar bear who has aquired legendary status over recent years.
Old Squinto is an extremely aggressive, above average sized bear and is instantly recognizable by his profound squint, which gives him a comical look which belies his man killing reputation. He has killed 17 humans, pulling many from their tents at night as they slumber.

Rupert first encounted Old Squinto back in 2000 when he was pulled from his snow bike by the slabbering beast and suffered his left leg being savagely gnarled. Rupert again encounted Old Squinto in 2007 when he was ambushed on an glacier and recieved a severe bite to his left buttock. On both occasions Rupert only escaped by the skin of his teeth.

Rupert like most of us had heard the rumours that Old Squinto had been killed by a Russian Billionaire who had used a bazooka to polish off the murderous bear. This farcical rumour proved false.
On Ruperts recent trip to Svalbard he was happily shooting a pair of polar bear cubs when he looked upon the horizon and saw Old Squinto bounding towards him. Siezed by an absurd and irational abject terror Rupert dropped his rifle and fled for his life.
Rupert mirraculously escaped but not before Old Squinto had once again taken a large bite from his left buttock.

Rupert is now home safely, sat upon a very large soft mound of cushions. Be warned, Old Squinto is very much alive and should you go to Svalbard, take extreme care.

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One nil to Lord Dimblem !

That's bad. May you describe the appearance of "Old Squinto"? I'm curious. Anyway, how's your brother then? Is he now, okay?

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Dentistry Roseville

My dear child many thanks for your kind enquiries.
Firstly, my dear brother Rupert is almost fully recovered (in body at least). He has horrific scarring on his left buttock as you can imagine and he walks with a pronounced limp. Sadly he also suffers with violent psychological mood swings since his ordeal and he has terrifying nightmares each night.

Old Squinto is apparently very much still alive and enjoying an appertite for human flesh. Only last week it was reported he had killed and eaten the young son of a neighbour of mine who was hunting on Svalbard.

Very sad and so uneccessary. Old Squinto should have been slain years ago !
I rather fear I myself will have to go to Svalbard and slay the vile creature !

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One nil to Lord Dimblem !

For sure I know old squinto is still alive.
I saw him not 12 months ago and the old son of a gun bit 2 fingers off my hand whilst I took a urine.
Thank god my penis was not also bitten off. My lady friends would no longer smile and I would no longer enjoy the loving joy of sex with them.
No worries I will return to Svalbard to gain my revenge. I will kill him and I say it with glee.

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Hey put it where the sun dont shine !

Last edited by van der oonzool on Sat Sep 04, 2010 2:39 am; edited 1 time in total

Hope everything's ok. Is old squinto some kind of a folklore? I can't seem to google it.

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cross bow

When one mentions the terror inflicted by old Squinto, one feels so terribly terribly inadequate and helpless. Sitting here at my desk in my cosy study I am filled with no little anger and lust for vengence.
So many poor hapless and misguided individuals have fallen victim to his vile beastliness. With this in mind I have arranged a hunting expedition to Svalbard in December with the intention of shooting him dead and therefore ending his reign of terror.
I shall avenge everyone who has been slain and eaten or had chunks bitten from their bodies.
Old Squintos snow white coat will adorn my wall and his gnarled ugly squinting head will be mounted and used as a paper weight.

I just hope some one else does not kill him before December when I get chance to do battle with him !

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One nil to Lord Dimblem !