Know your latrine.

Whether going on a brief or lengthy hunting expedition there are certain measures one must undertake to ensure a clean and healthy camp. Wherever tents are pitched and men folk reside, albeit temporarily, there is the urgent neccessity of digging a latrine. A clean and well run camp leads to a happy and successful hunt !
I learnt the art of latrine digging and positioning whilst in the Royal Marines. It has stood me in good stead ever since.

Many years ago, my third wife had a rather severe cocaine addiction which sadly addled her mind. She became excessively paranoid, possessive and jealous. She insisted upon following me everywhere.
This meant that whenever I went on a hunting trip she would follow, embarrassing me and insulting my friends.

I took her with me on a elk hunt in Finland with some very dear friends. As usual I dug a latrine a safe distance from camp and informed her on the correct way to approach and use this facility.
I left her sulking in camp whilst my fellow hunting chums and I went into the wilds to shoot the mighty elk. Whilst I was away my darling wife snorted vast quantities of cocaine and became insanely intoxicated.
Imagining I was in the woods with another woman, my wife grabbed a gun and attempted to come looking for me.
In her drug crazed state she staggered and fell into the latrine !
When I returned to camp several hours later I found her laying unconcious in the urine and excrement filled latrine.
My heart sank as I pulled her out and washed her down in a nearby stream.
My embarrassment was unbarable and we fled the laughter of my friends and fled to the Helsinki Hilton.

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One nil to Lord Dimblem !